A few months back I took a trip to visit Sara, one of my Bff’s in Utah. 

This is one of those trips I tell Mr. Wright I need to go on so that I can run a marathon or something crazy, and then laugh maniacally as I plan my shopping trips.  {I really did think I was going to run a half marathon in a beautiful canyon in Ogden…it sold out before I could buy my ticket!  Who even knew that marathons sell out?  Dang running zealots.}

Anyway, because I will not use the toilet on the plane if I can help it, I ran to the girl’s room while I was at the airport waiting for my friend to pick me up.  The line was kind of long but moved quickly enough.

When I got into the stall I took my phone out of my pocket and set it on the toilet paper holder.  I like to carry my cell phone in my back pocket like a dude.  It does nothing for my butt, but it’s so much more convenient!

After I was finished in the bathroom and walking toward my gate I realized that I had left my brand new iPhone in the stall!  I walked and frantically worried that it would be too late by the time I got back to the stall.  But of course, this is Utah, right?  It’s like the honest and wholesome capital of the world.  The person would probably be waiting in there with a smile and my phone in hand. 

Nobody was waiting with my phone.  The bathroom had cleared out a little while I was gone, but when I got back to the stall I was in it was occupied.  I was slightly embarrassed, but I wanted my iPhone back worse than I wanted to salvage my {practically nonexistent} pride.

“Um, hi – excuse me?”  No answer.  Uh-oh.

Knock-knock,  “Excuse me, are you in there?”

What.”  This was not a question coming from the other side of the door.  This was ‘What the heck do you want?”

“Hi, I’m really sorry, but do you see an iPhone sitting on the toilet paper holder in there?”  I was being very polite and extremely apologetic.  I could have just waited until she was done, but weird face-to-face bathroom confrontations aren’t really my thing.

She was quiet for a few seconds and then replied, “So?”  

Ok, this woman obviously sees my cell phone sitting next to her {or for all I know it’s already in her purse} and she’s deciding what to tell me.  All kinds of scenarios start to rush through my brain.  Is this the kind of person that would confiscate my phone and then deny it?  I went to high school in a ghetto in California for a year.  I’ve seen all kinds of sketchy behavior, and I wouldn’t put anything past anybody.

It took me approximately 10 seconds to determine that this lady was not leaving the bathroom with my phone, even if I had to bodily search her for it.  Even if she was a 250 pound cage fighter.  I started tap-tap-tapping my foot under her stall so that she could see that I was getting perturbed with her little game.

tap-tap-tap “So you do see it, or you don’t see it?  Is it there?”  tap-tap-tap

“No, I don’t see it.”  Riiiight.  My phone magically disappeared in the one second between my stall visit and hers.   

So, I keep tapping under her door.  I sighed a couple of times to let her know that I. was. not. going. anywhere.  I planned my strategy for when she came out of the stall, which basically consisted of a stare-down and snatching away luggage or personal belongings until she gave my phone back.

She didn’t come out.  She was in there for a very long time. 

I started pacing back and forth and decided to go into the stall next to her to climb on the toilet.  You know, to look over and say hi.

When I got into the stall next to hers I saw my phone.  It was sitting on the toilet paper holder I had left it on five minutes before.

Oh snap. 

I immediately grabbed my phone and backed out of the bathroom giggling nervously and saying, “Oh, haha, I found it.  Funny thing, it was in the stall next to you!  Whoops!  I’ll just be going now.  Sorry!”

And then I scurried away.

Someone call my village, I’m ready to go back.