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Kindergarten. What I thought would be my best friend has turned out to be my worst enemy.
This year begins the journey I will take as a mother of school-aged children. I can’t believe it’s here already! I’ve looked forward to next week for six years! They’ll be going to school someday! One less child will alleviate some of the daily destructiveness that is my life with three small boys.
And now, he’s going to be gone all day. All day.
Why does my heart clench up and do my eyes fill with water? The thought of him being away for so long…it hurts me!
The idea that others may not always be kind to him, and that his pure, innocent mind will encounter evils that I can’t protect him from…I can hardly stand it.
The sweet face…the little white teeth. Oh, my aching heart, look at the face!
I met his teacher today. She is beyond fantastic. I honestly could not have dreamed of a better first teacher for him, and it’s easing the pain…a little. I couldn’t hold back the tears when she spoke. “Kindergarten is my passion”, she said. “The end of the year when we have “pets” like goldfish, worms and water snails is my favorite. It’s disgusting and fantastic. The kids love it.” (sigh) She is wonderful.
This woman is taking over for me. She’ll be the one leading him through this adventure, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. I’m saddened by the fact that she’s better qualified than I am to be his teacher. And she is. She’s going to do a beautiful job of transitioning my boy into his school career. I never thought I would find myself jealous of a kindergarten teacher…isn’t this strange?
I know this is the way it should be. I’m just going to miss him.
He has become my constant companion, my tiny hero. He fetches diapers, runs after his brothers, tells me I’m beautiful. He opens my door for me and says, “After you, my lady.”
You can hear the heartbreaking sadness in his voice as he asks, ”Why did Jesus have to die, mom? I don’t want him to die…I love him.” He cries for the Savior.
I cherish this child. I adore him, and so often lately I find myself admiring his strength of character and honesty. Everything about him makes me proud to be his mother.
How can I bear to part with him?
Amy said:
I have zero advice for you. I am crying with you. My baby is only 2 and I am already dreading the day I have to send her out of my hands and into another’s.
I hear that it gets better. That you just need to give it time and then you will love it. I hear that you get so much more done in a day.
I am still skeptical…
Lisa said:
WOW. Wow. This is SO lovely. Your first few paragraphs describe PERFECTLY what I felt when my first two started out in school. Especially the one about others not being kind and his innocent mind being subject to evils you can’t protect him from. Although, it sounds like you HAVE done all you can to protect him from those things. He knows what’s right and wrong and he loves his mother. I think those are the two of the things that will help make his school career a success.
He looks just like a little man in that picture. A very handsome little man.
Nicole said:
You just brought back all the feelings I had taking Lil’ Bit to her first day of kindergarten. I stopped her at the door and asked her if she wanted to hug my goodbye. “Nope. I’m good.” And she skipped merrily on, leaving me at the door.
Oh man. I came home and cried. How could she be so ready to leave me and go…when I was not?
The first day is the hardest. But it gets better each day. A week into it, and it will be nothing. Well, it will be something, but it will be easier.
Kids will be kids, to be sure. But I found, at least in kindergarten anyways, kids are not as mean and they still have their wonderful innocence about them. So maybe that will help ease you just a bit.
It’s not till they hit 2nd or 3rd grade that the ugliness,pettiness and meanness that accompanies certain kids and cliques begins to rear it’s ugly head. But I’ve always been able to look at such kids and then their parents and I can see where they get it. And then I can look at the children who are kind, patient and caring and then look at their parents, and I can totally see where they get it. Kids inherit much more than looks from us. :-)
So don’t worry too much about your little guy. It sounds like you’ve already been doing a great job raising him. And he will take that with him wherever he goes.
AmyG said:
“After you, my Lady!” Holy cow, that’s what set the tears to running, lol. I feel your pain though. I was only there a year ago & remember it all to well. This year, my oldest is in 1st Grade & I had to deal with another whole set of fears with her riding the bus for the first time.
Once you get past the first day, it does get better. And for me, it seemed to make our day go faster. Don’t know why. And I love watching all the new things she’s been learning.
It’s also giving me time for some one on one with Olivia. I have to do Kindergarten all over again, in two years! Yikes!
Brittany said:
Ohh that was an amazing post. It brought serious tears to my eyes. He’s going to have an amazing time, meet new friends, and just do so well. :) I hope you do well, too! ;) Be strong, mama!
JustRandi said:
You have described perfectly the first day my baby started kindergarten.
And the first day of middle school, and high school, and then 3 months ago when he left on his mission.
I know it’s the way it should be. But I still miss him achingly – every day.
You’ll get through it and be ok. In fact, you’ll be great. And so will he.
Fantastic post!
Jan said:
I know that feeling. But it does get better, but at least it puts you in that appreciate every moment mode. It flies. And that is what we have to do. Appreciate the moments.
Love this sweet post so very much. It made me remember those sweet beginnings of my children. Thanks.
Susan said:
Okay, now you have me crying and I don’t even have to deal with this for three more years.
It sounds like you have done a fantastic job of raising him so far and he is a great kid. He will do wonderfully in school, especially in the hands of a passionate teacher.
I am sure he will miss you when he starts school, though he may not articulate that.
Good luck with the adjustment to mother of a school-aged child!
Thanks for such a heartwarming post to start the weekend.
Rachel Allen said:
You have ME crying and I don’t even have a baby in the womb yet!
You also make me want to be a kindergarten teacher instead of a high school teacher now. Great … six years down the tube :) No, just kidding.
It’s going to be hard. But you will definitely get through it! And congratulations, he seems like the sweetest and most polite boy I’ve ever met going into kindergarten! I think that he will make lots of GOOD friends (the kind that he will be able to bring home to mother and you not cry yourself to sleep at night) and will be able to make good decisions as well.
Good luck!!
Richelle said:
Welcome to the pain! The hardest part of being a mother is letting them go, especially when you know that it’s what’s best for them. It doesn’t get any easier either. You think it will. I have now sent 3 off to kindergarten, and my heart breaks everytime. I can hardly stand that I only have one left to send off, yes I know she’s only 5 months, yet I know with all my expierence that she’ll be 5 years old in no time! Good luck. I hate letting them go……
MomBabe said:
sniff. sniff. All I’ve got is hugs for you.
Jenny said:
I just posted about this very thing yesterday. It breaks your heart to throw them out there. I thought he was in Kindergarten last year, I didn’t even realize. Your kindergarten is ALL day?! That freaks me out. If we move to AZ mid-year Jake will have to switch to going all day too. I am sure they will make it though.
Courtney said:
Big Brother isn’t allowed to grow up. I remember him peeing on me because his dad didn’t put the diaper on right. Ah. I’m thinking about all the cuddles he gave me. I better get them still even though he is a big school boy now.
I’m still waiting on that embarrassing blog about me….phew, you forgot.
stephanie farrar said:
One of the few times I’ve gotten tears in my eyes from a blog post…
I’ll keep my eye out for him!
Jodi said:
Oh boy do I remember those feelings!
It will be okay though, I promise.
I have lived through that process 5 times now. Each time is as heartbreaking as the last. But they love it. They flourish. And they grow so dang fast at school.
As much as your hearting is hurting right now is as much as it will soar the first time your kindergartener spontaneously reads a word on a sign or picture on the wall.
And soon you will learn to enjoy the quiet and alone time. ;)
Elaine@ said:
That is a beautiful child! In SO many ways.
I will be in your shoes next year. It’s SO bittersweet… I pray that he has a great year and that you do too! ; )
amy said:
It doesn’t get any easier – I am sending my baby off to school. I feel for you. Keep busy!
Rachael said:
“after you, my lady”–how will you bear it indeed? What an absolute sweetheart. it says a lot about the woman who raised that boy! (and is still raising)
cheryl said:
That was so sweet. What a great kid. I’m not there yet. My daughter is just 2 1/2 but I know it will come before I know it.
Emily Shaw said:
tearing up over school is a mile stone we all have to endure and cross over. i’m crying with you my friend … all the posts that i have been reading of kids starting school and our day looms out there only 5 days away … i have cried at each one … and i have more tears to cry on the 3rd when i have 2 kids at school all day …
you’ll get through this – and sooner than you want/think our babies will be headed off to conquer kindergarten too!! shoot, time flies!! {Hugs}
Kimberly said:
Oh wow…I keep looking forward to it…I forgot all that there is to worry about!
Anonymous said:
You need to write a book. You’re an amazing writer and I know this b/c you bring out emotions in people when they read!! You’d kick Stephanie Meyer’s books off the bestselling list. I can’t be the only one who has told you this.
Brooke said:
my advice is to “act” really excited and upbeat for him! you don’t want him worrying about you! i always held my tears in, and faked a great big smile everytime school started. then when the bus is out of sight, i could cry. and make sure to have a welcome home poster, and his favorite treat when he gets home! he will love school, and soon you will too…..i promise! xo
anordinarymom said:
Each day gets a little better. My daughter is now in second grade and I am actually looking forward to school starting next week. Does that make me mean :) ?!?
The writing in this post is beyond amazing!
leigh of Tales from Bloggeritaville said:
Good gracious woman (blows nose) you have me crying like a baby. …..because I know how you feel. That wonderful kid sounds like his momma. HUGS!
ladonnamobile said:
I cried the day I sent my first daughter to Kindergarten, too! In fact, I missed her so much that the next year I taught her at home. It was all great fun–snuggled up on the couch together working math problems or reading books . . . until she hit 2nd grade and started whining at me each time I pulled out the textbooks. This year she’s back in school and we are both ecstatic. Trust me–as he gets older (and leaves that darlin age), you’ll love those teachers (even bus drivers!) more and more! :)
April said:
Wow I’ve read a LOT of posts like this today! it’s been so awe-inspiring to see all the love between a mother and child in each post I’v read. And yours did NOT dissappoint. SO SWEET!
Lisa said:
So, I’ve given you a blog award that you can get on my blog. It’s because you’re so awesome .
Sue Q said:
Greetings from a new blog friend! I just discovered you through MMB, and I only have one question for you:
Do you believe in arranged marriages? I’m always on the lookout for Perfect Gentlemen as Potential EC’s for any of my four daughters, and your son qualifies for my 3 1/2 year old!
Seriously, my heart really does bleed for you. My kids couldn’t wait for The Day, and I cried when they barely glanced over their shoulders at the kindergarten door and said, “See ya, Mom!” as in “Get lost, Mother. I’m in control now.” Keep the kleenex close, and the blog posts coming!
jennifer said:
Been there felt that. It doesn’t get any better. Sorry. They just keep growing and getting MORE independent.
But eventually, he will be on national TV after hitting the winning run, and the first thing he will say is “Hi Mom!”
And it will all be worth it.
Jen