My Boyfriend’s Back
May 12, 2008 by Nicki
Now that Mr. Wright is back in town from his biz trip I can tell you what I was up to while he was gone. I can tell you it was no good, though. No good atall.
I of course couldn’t keep you informed of my doings while he was gone because that would have revealed that he was gone (and therefore invited the stalkers over). My hyperactive/paranoid/delusional brain wouldn’t allow me to divulge the secret of my aloneness.
Other than not keeping the house as clean as usual my days were pretty normal. My nights are another story altogether.
A typical evening while Mr. Wright is away on business:
- Start to get fidgety at dusk and glance nervously out the windows.
- Cook and bake incessantly. Because this is what I do when I’m anxious. I become the Anxious Baker.
- Look over my shoulder every five seconds while on the treadmill. Is there a serial killer there? Phew. How about now?
- Freak out while while washing my face for fear the serial killer will have jumped through the bathroom door, leaving me unprepared for my fate. I get soap in my eyes every time.
- Drag my five year old into my bed for comfort.
- Lay in bed with my heart pounding in my ears and get irritated that I can’t hear every tiny noise in the house that could very well be a serial killer.
- Finally drift into a fitful sleep (at 3 am) because I must have the light in the hall on. The light from the hall wakes me up and I jolt upright to see if the serial killer is there.
- Sleep with my mace and cell phone. And guess what? No accidents this time!
That about sums up my evenings as a crazy person. The second I wake up I’m back to a normal, rational, extremely tired person that’s spent the previous evening acting out how to evade a serial killer in her own home. I know, it’s exhausting, isn’t it?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I laughed for about ten minutes after reading this. Mostly because a lot of it sounds just like me:
# Look over my shoulder every five seconds while on the treadmill. Is there a serial killer there? Phew. How about now?
# Freak out while while washing my face for fear the serial killer will have jumped through the bathroom door, leaving me unprepared for my fate. I get soap in my eyes every time.
Too funny. Glad you didn’t have another “accident” though. LMAO
It’s good to know I’m not the only one like this (although I’ve never Maced myself. Too classic, Nicki). But here’s my hangup: when my husband’s asleep, I don’t feel safe either. So if I read too late and he’s already asleep, I have to wake him back up before I can go to sleep. Poor man.
Do you have an alarm, if not then you should get one. But you do have your amazing firearm skills.
Brian sleeps like a log so he’d be no help anyway!! Therefore I sleep just fine when he’s gone.
I am glad your hubby is home!
Oh my goodness. lol You sound like me!
That…is why…. I AM in Nashville (right now) with my husband… ha ha ha.
Oh girl, they make drugs for this don’t they? Just kidding. I know what you mean, it’s weird not to have your man around at night. Glad that he’s back home and you are back here! ; )
I do not like it when Peter is gone on business trips because I miss him, but I must say I do enjoy having the entire bed to myself. ;-)
I’m afraid I can’t totally relate on this one. I just don’t scare that easily. I don’t like it when Jared’s gone because I miss him a lot, but I don’t recall ever being scared. Although I do like to fall asleep with him on the phone.
That’s funny ! I have mine sleep on the door side , just in case somebody breaks in ,that way they get to him first and I can run hahaha.
Ok. I can’t relate with most of this BUT I do have a weird feeling when I wash face that as soon as I wash all the soap off my face and therefore, can open my eyes, that some crazy serial killer will be standing behind me with his reflection in the mirror.
And when I take a shower, I have to, HAVE TO keep at least a small opening in the shower curtain and I cannot have my back to the shower curtain. But really, if a killer is going to try to kill me in the shower what am I going to do? Soap him to death? Death by shampoo?
I blame Stephen King and watching one too many horror movies late at night.
Nicki, you funny girl! Chris has been gone FOREVER also, however, I bask in the glory of my king size bed in his absence. I love that I can stretch out and not have anyone touching me. I do however turn to baking for comfort, to console my latenight boredom and lonliness. Then I get on the treadmill down in my open basement, and of course look behind me every few minutes for serial killers.
The anxious baker - how cute!!! So glad he is back and you feel better - I don’t blame you one bit!! I’d be happy too!
Take care - see you - Kellan
They’re after me too! At least you can defend yourself by distracting the killer with baked goods! All I have to offer is a Diet Coke!
I’m trying to figure out if you’re weird that you do this or if I’m weird that I don’t. I fall more along the lines of Jenny and Katrina, look at me in my big ol’ bed!
Please make sure you don’t go see that new movie that is out with Liz Tyler (I think it’s called Strangers, or something like that) cuz just after watching the commerical, I don’t want to be alone in the house! LOL
You and I must be related! I am terrified to ever be home alone at night, especially if I ever have to come home after it’s already dark outside, and the house is empty. ack!
Too funny! My husband works out of town a lot (don’t tell any serial killers please) and so I sleep with a cell phone under my pillow.He thinks it’s ridiculous. My husband, not the serial killer.
Oh, this is SO familiar. I am so neurotic, it’s dumb. This past weekend my hub and son were gone for one night on a father/son camp-out and I did not sleep ’til dawn because i was certain that as soon as I fell asleep the boogie man would emerge and do bad things to me in my sleep.
OMGoodness! I am a total psycho when the hubby is gone. I don’t sleep at all. I read till I go blind, then I listen to TV.
Once I actually got so freaked out about the noises outside, I got out the biggest butcher knife I own then, had to put it back. I was so afraid I might pass out from sheer exhaustion and either chop myself to pieces or one of the kids would get ahold of it and chop themselves! What a nightmare!
Seriously if there was a killer on the treadmill he would just run in place and not be able to catch you.
hahah you are so funny, never meet anyone more paranoid than me…hah.
the blog is cute, maybe I should get your help to make mine cute, it needs help
gotta a run the boys are too quite….
Your site looks so Pretty!
OK, glad to see I am not the only freaked out alone wife out there. I hate it when he is gone because I feel IN CHARGE. I do not like to be IN CHARGE. No fun.
Take care and I am SO glad that your Hubby is home.
Jennifer
I hope you didn’t watch or read “Kiss the Girls” by James Patterson before he left! That one gives me the heebies and it’s definitely a precursor to stalker nightmares.
I really like the re-do on the site!
I’m totally right there with you, cookie dough and everything! And no, we’re not crazy for sleeping with the cell phone. But I can’t bring my 5yo into bed with me…in her sleep, she kicks me in the face.
Oh! MY! GOSH! Seriously you and I should share a therapist. I AM THE EXACT same way. Really to know someone has the same delusional thought when washing her face makes me feel a little better.
What about when you are in the shower? What if they come in? Did I hear a door open? Oh, have mercy…..
and BTW-LOve your new layout. Pretty like Mz Wright.
Guess what? This is me every single night, husband or not. I’ve got some real problems, but it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. (Except that you only do this when your husband is gone)
Maybe we watch too much crime-based television? I know I do.