To kiss or not to kiss? That is the question.
Everyone with a pair of lips has kissed someone, whether it’s your sweet little niece or the cute boy(s) down the street. Depending on who you are, of course.
I myself have kissed a lot of sweet babies. And I’ve maybe kissed a cute boy or two. But because I’ve only kissed four boys since 1998 (and three of them are my children), I’d consider myself outdated on such matters.
The other day a couple of friends and I (one of them is single) were discussing the dynamics of dating, specifically kissing. Getting to the point where you want to lock lips with someone can be a nerve wracking and emotional ride. Kissing in itself isn’t complicated. It’s all the weirdness that surrounds it, because we all know that once you kiss someone, everything changes.
To some kissing is a pastime, a hobby. But to others, once you seal the deal, so to say, you might as well start shopping for engagement rings. I would think that the latter scenario would be especially true of older adults. When you’re dating to get married it seems there would be more on the line.
I fall into the second category. I know, shocker. I wouldn’t have married someone after a first kiss, but that would definitely have make them my boyfriend. This even held true for me back in the day, and I was no Prudie McPrudelpants. I’ve since married Mr. Wright and his lips are the only ones I’ll be kissing for ever and ever. And ever… Wow, it’s a good thing I like him.
So, I pose the questions: At what point does dating a boy make him your boyfriend? Should kissing be reserved for those you’re serious about?
I’ve thought about this myself. I’ve only kissed one other guy besides my dh and it definitely changed everything. I realized I didn’t know if a kiss meant the same thing to him as it meant to me and I kind of pulled away from our relationship. I got to that point with most of the guys I dated (though I didn’t kiss them all) because I hadn’t known them for years. When NYDD kissed me I’d known him for years and I knew it meant the same thing to him as it did to me so I knew we were on the same page and wanted the same things. I think it’s a way to show someone that you really care for them and are serious about your relationship. If you kiss everyone you go out with how will that special someone know they mean more to you, because you do the same things with them as you do with everyone else? Does that make sense? Just my $0.02.
Wow. I don’t even know. I don’t remember this; it’s been too long. My little sister is dating some, and we were trying to figure this out ourselves. She went out numerous times with a boy and they never kissed– and I will admit I was a little shocked. I kissed boys, in high school, after one or two dates– not making out kissing… just a good night kiss. Wow. Maybe my morals were wrong? hmm… You need to make a collection of everyone’s ideas and post them. This is a great topic! :)
I don’t think I am the one to answer this question – I kissed ALL the boys when I was a kid – too many boys – lots of boys – loved KISSIN’. Now … for my girls – I don’t want them kissin’ too many boys as I know … kissin’ leads to all that other stuff I would rather they not experience for a while.
Take care – see you soon – Kellan
Well – I will confess that now and then I kissed boys just because – but only if we both knew it was just because – with no feelings at risk on either side. That probably sounds slutty, but I wasn’t slutty. Kissing was as far as it ever went.
But if it was a boy I liked, or a boy who liked me, I wouldn’t kiss him until/unless it was seriousish. Because a little crush, souped up with kisses, could turn into major FEELINGS and I didn’t want to risk my heart or his. And when a boy I genuinely liked kissed me just for sport, it was incredibly hurtful.
I didn’t kiss my husband until we’d known each other for eons, and until after our second “real” date. And I made him work hard for those two dates, tee hee.
In college I kissed one boy every 8.6 seconds. Arizona State University ROCKS THE BOYS! Wait, am I not making a good impression here?!?!
The thing with kissing is that is has to mean roughly the same to both parties. I think if both people know it’s not a serious thing, then it’s ok to get a little lip-action. The problem is when one person jumps the gun and the feelings aren’t mutual. I went a couple dates with this guy and we ended up kissing and then he totally thought we were gonna be serious. And I just wasn’t feeling it, so I ended up having to break his heart a little. Now, if we hadn’t kissed it wouldn’t have been as big a deal. In my dating days, most of the time I felt that once I kissed a guy that meant we were exclusive. (There was the exception of my Brazilian fling. That was just for good times. I think everyone should have a little Latin flavor once in their life.) ;-)
answer #1: a boy becomes a boyfriend when a) there are mutual romantic feelings and b) you show physical affection. (this can mean simply holding hands but usually includes kisses.)
answer #2: kissing and dating are not mutually exclusive.
AND NOW YOU KNOW!
(also now i want to tell kissing stories! fun!)
wow … this is a great topic. i have always reserved my lips for the ones i’m really having feelings for, as well as i didn’t EVER kiss before i was 19 … yes … that means i graduated highschool as the president of the VL club!
but i made up for it when i got to college [blushing] although i didn’t kiss before the 6th date. i’m not sure how i came to that magical number … but that’s just the rule i made for myself. i can count the number of boys that i have kissed on one hand … [if i don't count the NASTY first kiss - in which a 17 year old punk tried to suck my VL head off and i we never saw each other again or the unwanted kisses from dates-gone-bad - but those are different stories, entirely] good kisses, long ‘make out’ sessions etc. those should be reserved for people that are exclusive and serious and invested.
i have to also admit and clarify that i never french kissed until i was married … how can you have a ‘make out’ session with no tongue, you ask? major restraint on his part and total inexperience on mine … but it was always mutually enjoyed and enough to cause my heart to pitter patter sometimes too much! { wow … i think i need to do my own post about this … flash back friday maybe!! }
in short – kissing for me has always been reserved for the ones that i have real feelings for and never just a game.
and to answer your first question – boys move from boy [space] friend to boyfriend [no space] when we decide to be exclusive – long before kissing (in my opinion) communication is the key! andy and i had long talks about where we were headed – from the beginning.
Yep, I think kissing is for the one you’re dating. That said, I’ve kissed someone–and kept dating them–because I liked kissing them, not necessarily because I really liked them. And I went out on other dates (but never repetitions…just a series of first dates) while I was dating aforesaid kissing boy. It was an interesting situation. I ditto Kat on the Brazilian fling.
But the first time my husband ever kissed me, I pulled away and said, “You better be serious if you’re kissing me, because I’m not kissing for fun.” Then he asked me if I wanted to meet his parents that Sunday so I kissed him again. Then we got engaged two weeks later.
ummm, I liked to kiss. And kissing did not a boyfriend make. And sometimes I would kiss more than one person on the same night….. What can I say, I had talent.
I’ve always thought of the boyfriend/girlfriend declaration being made when you mutually decide to date exclusively.
Outside of a serious relationship, I don’t see anything wrong with recreational kissing…makes for good practice when the right one comes along.