Notice: If you ever thought I was cool or slick or smooth…you’re about to be schooled. If you know that I am capable of Chrissy Snow moments, mixed with a little Lucille Ball and topped with some Doug from King of Queens, this’ll just be a recap..
Now, for your reading pleasure, a list of really dumb things I’ve done. My future posterity needs to know these things about me.
· I was a major bookworm as a kid. I always had a book with me and spent every free minute reading. Which is great, right? It is, until you’re read-walking down a busy street and run into a telephone pole.
· Same road, different day. I was minding my business, riding my twelve speed, when WHAM! I was hit by a car from behind. That’s not funny, you say? I had a violin on my handle bars and was wearing horrible pink corduroy pants. Come on, big nerd goes flying? That’s funny.
· Same bike, different street. My Keds were pedaling as fast as they’d go when Little Brother called from behind. I turned, and 1.2 seconds later ran into a parked car. Hi Waayyyne! That really hurt.
· As a teen I liked to chase my mom around Fred Meyer in one of those motorized scooters pretending to be, umm, retarded. I would yell things like, “Mom, don’t leave me here like you did last time!” I’m sorry if that offends you; I was very un-PC back then.
· I used to have an old ’69 Volkswagen bug. It had one windshield wiper, no defrost, and the driver’s side window didn’t roll down. So I’m sure it makes total sense when I tell you that I threw the banana peel out the other window. Except there was a policeman driving over there. In my defense, it was frosty and I couldn’t see out my windows! How was I supposed to know he was there?
· Knock knock. Who’s there? Nicki. Nicki who? Nicki backed into a cop car. Remember? In the mini-mart parking lot. Man, that was duuuumb.
· When I started this blog I decided to get a site meter so I could see who came to my site. I have a stalker phobia, caused by a childhood affinity for Stephen King novels. Anyway, I noticed someone visiting my site repeatedly, clicking around, and staying for long periods of time. I immediately started hyperventilating and consulted Mr. Wright, my tech savvy husband. He took one look at the offending IP address and said, “Honey, that’s you.”
So there you have it: My long embarrassing history.
You are funny. That last one is still one of the funniest things I’ve heard! I’ve done lots of dumb things but I can’t think of a good one right now. I’ll be back if I do.
Come on, you can’t think of one single thing? I’ve got another 50 that I didn’t write down! Fess up Kat!
those are really quite funny. I can’t think of anything really good right now…oh, I can think of one REALLY embarassing moment, but it wasn’t me so much as my daughter, who wandered up to one of my friends in Relief Society, who babysat her a lot so she knew her really well. Incidentally, she was in the RS presidency, so she was at the very front of the room right behind the teacher. Anyway, she grabbed her knee and started smiling at her–THEN she started pooping, with lots of grunting and grimacing. The whole Relief Society was watching transfixed, and I thought I would die from embarassment. I tried to go get her, but my friend was like, “No, it’s okay…let her finish.” AAHHH! It seriously took about ten or fifteen minutes, since she had some intestinal difficulties when she was a kid…she was just hanging on to her leg the entire time. The horror! The horror!
Oh my. That is horrible. Then you’re know in church as the mom of “The Pooper”. Probably not the title you were hoping for!
Those we hilarious! I’ll share an embarrassing moment too. A couple years ago when my son was 6. The missionaries were over, since my hubby was working my neighbor came and another lady from church came with her son and daughter. The kids kept acting up and I had to keep interrupting the lesson to go break-up fights. the third time we heard arguing my neighbor decided to go figure out what was wrong so I wouldn’t have to. Right then my son comes running into the room and says (right in front of the missionaries) ” I was just trying to have sex with her!” I am horrified and ask him if he even know what that means . He didn’t ,turns out they were playing house he was the daddy and she was the mom he had heard at school that what mommies and daddies do. I then had to go sit down and finish the lesson. One of the missionaries just pretended nothing happened the other one was giggling so hard he couldn’t even take his turn teaching the lesson! I have never been so embarrassed I still turn red just thinking about it.
I was squirming just reading that! That is definitely an unforgettable moment! Poor missionaries, but most of all, poor you!
o my goodness … i laughed right out loud. i have embarrassing moments that you already know about and i don’t need the rest of the world to know about! but man … your posterity will appreciate knowing that their mommy was funny and sometimes humorous!
Oh, come on Em, do tell. There have got to be things i don’t know about… ;)
The last one really got me laughing. ;)
I can’t think of anything embarrassing right now but I am sure I will later.
Well … that last one had me in stitches!!! All very funny and some even sad, in a way – tee hee! Hope you are having a good day – see you soon. Kellan
Hi! I popped by after visiting your Bloggy Giveaway. Your confession makes me feel better. That is, until I ponder the similar post that I could write about my own history. :-)
That is totally funny. I could totally do a post on that but I have done so many dumb things I’ve tried to erase them from my mind.
I can’t remember who’s blog I found your’s through but it sure is fun to read!
Have a wonderful rest of the week!
ROFL. Yeah, I have my “moments” as well. So don’t worry, you are not alone.
I mean that in a non-stalker-y way, of course. ;)
Rachael- Tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard. So funny. I HATE those kind of moments. JG- Oh my gosh, I would die. But since it was not me I was just dying laughing. Nicki- Yours are great too, but I have heard them before (they sill make me laugh though) and way to go to record them, you did a great job in writing them down. I have done too many dumb things, I don’t even know where I would start. Oh, your last one is new to me, nerd alert.
Yes, that was a blond moment for sure.
There’s nothing I like better than a good round of self-deprecating humor. You and Conan O’Brien. Fun list!
Oh my goodness, did you just compare me to Conan? I love him, so thanks for the compliment. Even if you only meant my list was comparable to his type of humor…
I really liked the last one. :-)
Dorks Unite!
AND can I tell you that I feel like a retard because I swear I had you on my google reader and was all, Man! She hasn’t blogged in a long time….
Except that apparently I DIDN’T have you. sigh. Anyways, doesn’t everyone have sitemeter??? If not, get it now! It’ll take your own stalking skills to a whole new level.
I do have sitemeter, but how does it help?
Sooo funny!
Okay, that last one about made me pee my pants, that is too good!! Just found you through the giveaway listing and think your blog is very cute! Come by and visit me if you get a chance!
Elaine @ The Miss Elaine-ous Life
Yay! So glad I have good friends I can relate to!
YOU are SOO funny, thanks for the laugh I needed it terribly!
You are a riot! Can we be BFF’s?!?!
OMG, I think we are twins. I have done 90% of those things (the last one included….) ha ha… Hilarious.
[...] on shoes, eardrops are for ears, ran into mailbox | Inspired by iwright’s personal history of embarrassment, I thought I would take a moment to chronicle my own dorkiness throughout the [...]
Oh, you’ll not get off that easy my darling daughter. Embarrassing moments? Let me just refresh your memory. You forgot to mention the time you grabbed a hank of hair from Elder Parent’s head, convinced that he was sporting a toupe. I’ve yet to determine what you thought you might accomplish if you’d indeed been successful in revealing his imagined “chrome dome”.
Ahhhh, but there’s more! Same victim, different display of dorkiness. From the passenger seat of his car, you took it upon yourself to assist the good doctor with a grooming task that you obviously thought he’d overlooked. I can only imagine his astonishment when, during a drive down highway 525 at 55 miles an hour, his “plucky” young assistant would reach over and rip a pesky hair from his right nostril, rendering him momentarily blinded from the instantanious tears that sprang to his eyes.
Nope, don’t even try denying it. These incidences have been recalled amongst the members of the South Whidbey Ward enough to be part of the history of the church by now.
If I sat here long enough I’d think of more but I do have to run along. They’re having a sale on pink corduroy pants at K-Mart and I’m pretty sure they’ll have your size.
Hugs,
Mommy
Ok, I think you might be one of the funniest people I don’t know!